i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
