so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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