He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
