I want to walk on stilts...naked
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
