You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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