just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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