She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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