I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
