I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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