From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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