I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
