if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
