matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
