I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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