He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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