Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We are two peas in an std pod
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
