why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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