My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His hands were made for my vagina.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is my gift to your gina
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
