I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
