it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
