my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
