I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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