i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
