She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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