If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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