I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I deserve this hangover.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
