I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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