Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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