Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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