I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They took my balls.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
