In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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