If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
