margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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