***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
