So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
