sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
