If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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