that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
