Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
