Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
