Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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