my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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