i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
