Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
