Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
