I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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