we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
