A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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