In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
