the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
