I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
