So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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