my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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