Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
