im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
