I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
