what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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