she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
