he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
