also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
