No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
