I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
